So, What’s In This for Me? (Relationships with Men)

There’s one question that I believe all women of all ages need to ask themselves before they commit their time, heart, energy and body to a particular man:

“What’s in this for me?”

I think that the reason why a lot of women are unfulfilled in their relationships with men is that they don’t truly ask themselves this question before getting involved.

I was once in a glorified friends with benefits “relationship” in my twenties. Here is a short list of what I was doing for him:

– letting him borrow my car whenever he wanted (his was stolen and he used the money to put into his savings while putting wear and tear on my car)
– awesome sex (he was nearly 10 years older than me)
– supporting his dreams (he wanted to be a musician and an entrepreneur instead of pursuing his professional degree, and I supported him in that)
– acting like his unpaid secretary
– running errands for him
– paying my own way when we went out (which rarely happened) to be understanding of his financial situation
– listening to him go on and on about his dreams for hours

Now what was I getting?

– ummmmm, let me think about that some more…
– he was nice to look at, I guess?

Is it any wonder that when I finally did let him go, I barely cared. He wasn’t adding anything to my life.

No — it is not enough just to “have someone.” Ask a long time unhappily married woman or a woman stuck in a physically or mentally abusive relationship if that’s enough.

It’s Not Selfish, It’s Sensible
The kneejerk reaction that some men and eager-to-please women will have to a woman who has the “gaul” to ask the question “what’s in it for me?” is that she’s being selfish or thinking like a “whore.”

Whatever man. As a woman you deserve to get something meaningful out of every aspect of your life — including your relationship with a man. Be real with yourself about what it is that you REALLY want (some women fool themselves into thinking that sex is enough, but soon learn that it’s not).

We have different needs and desires than men do, and that’s okay. Get what you want.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?