Back when I was wound up, sad and depressed, my mind was a complete mess. I just couldn’t see a way out of my ongoing negative cycles. It was as if a cloud had settled over my brain. I continually made poor choices in men and my relations with them, never really considering that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.” I was perpetuating my own cycles. It wasn’t them — it was me. The problem was in the choices I was making.
Now that the storm clouds have moved on and I have finally broken that cycle, I am amazed at how much clearer things are to me. I can’t even understand what I ever saw in most of the guys I dated in the past. I simply wasn’t demanding the best for myself.
Desperation is an Ugly Emotion
The lack of clarity in the guys we sometimes choose to date is in part due to habit. But it’s also because of that ugly, ugly emotion: desperation.
Something inside nags at you, telling you this guy isn’t a good choice, but your desperation and fear of being alone causes you to wave it off…. “Just keep dating him and see where it goes…” Then the cycle begins again.
So we waste valuable hours, days and years of our lives focusing on guys who really aren’t worth the effort. Then when we eventually breakup or get dumped, depression settles in again, our self-esteem takes a hit and eventually you get with a guy who was just like the last one (or worse).
Breaking the Cycle
With my new clarity I value what’s good for ME over giving into my fears of being alone. I recognize the following:
– I have the power to attract a certain type of guy into my life.
– I am responsible for how I conduct my relationships with men.
– My personal well-being and sanity is more important than being in a relationship.
Are you still hung up over a breakup, caught up in the same bad cycle or feeling like your mind is clouded when it comes to relationships? Think about what you may have done wrong with each guy, such as having sex with him too soon or allowing him to walk all over you emotionally. What patterns can you identify that happened with each guy you dated? What was your role in it? Accept responsibility. Meditate on all of that.
To further break the cycle, mentally write down the qualities that you DO want in a man and from a relationship. For instance, “he values my womanhood, supports my dreams, is trustworthy and cares about my feelings.”
Keep these new affirmations in mind the next time you meet a new guy. Take note of any familiar patterns from the past.
This time break the cycle — LISTEN to your intuition.
Remember: “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.”
Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.