When You Want Something More… But He Doesn’t

A lesson inspired by the anonymous woman who accused Aziz Ansari of “sexual misconduct.”

I’ve been in the room with a famous guy before. I was about 22 years old, slim, well-dressed, and pretty. He showed me a slither of attention, and then I became thirsty for more. I pursued him (another example of why I advise women to Let Him Chase You) and we exchanged information. The first “date” was at his apartment. He wanted sex and I didn’t, so I left his ritzy apartment. I tried to text him again a few days later to say “hey,” but he didn’t respond. He actually never responded again. He didn’t get what he wanted, so he was over it. That’s how many celebrities are in real life.

I think this youthful experience is why I cringed while reading the story posted by a woman who had an encounter with Aziz Ansari. I cringed even more when she tried to accuse him of sexual misconduct.

The truth of the matter is that she probably wanted what I wanted when I was 22 years old and in the presence of a “star.” She wanted him to like her as more than just a booty call, but he simply didn’t see her as that. He wanted sex and a good time. Her expectations we’re different than his.


There was a moment in the article when she said she sat down next to him hoping that he would rub her shoulders or something to that effect. That’s what guys do with a girl they really like, not someone they just want to have sex with.

So when the truth finally hit her on the ride home–that she would probably never have another chance with this popular, award-winning actor and writer, and that she just wasn’t that special “one”–she decided to turn on him. She then spitefully tried to bite back at him by writing a public shaming piece online.

Like many other women who have chimed in on this particular story, I’m annoyed at this anonymous woman because I think that what she’s doing is detrimental to the #MeToo movement. There are women who find themselves in impossible situations that they can’t escape from. They didn’t even want to be in the presence of the men who assaulted or disrespected them. There are women who find themselves in situations where they are powerless to remove themselves from a situation with a man. This was not one of those situations.

We can’t use the #MeToo movement as a way of getting revenge on men who do not want to be serious with us or take us seriously. If you’re uncomfortable with a sexual encounter and have the opportunity to leave, then please LEAVE. Don’t assume that women always have to play the victims to men when in many cases we do have the power of choice. Let’s not soil a meaningful movement that is helping countless survivors get the justice that they’ve been waiting on for years.

Posted by Lynn


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