Self-Love and Feeling Like You Don’t Matter (Written in Memory of Gia Allemand)


“She always had a big heart for everybody, but not for herself.”

An episode of Dr. Phil caught my attention. His guest was Donna Micheletti, the mother of Gia Allemand, the young woman who cut her own life short because she was unhappy about relationships.

Something her lovely mother said in the beginning of the show caught my attention. She said of her deceased daughter, “She always had a big heart for everybody, but not for herself.”

This is a very tragic case that demonstrates the importance of SELF-love. How can a person have and show so much love for everyone else in her life, but not for her own self?

What makes everyone else worthy of love and not yourself?

I believe that it partially stems from childhood issues and is then exasperated by adult issues.

What Gia’s mother said struck me because I have been there. Feelings of being unworthy, unloved and unimportant. For me I believe it stemmed from being ignored and teased as a child and also being taught that as a girl I should always put the needs of others before my own. Mothers unconsciously teach this to their girls all of the time.

In Gia’s case her mother confirmed that her father’s abandonment was the source of her despair and feelings of being unwanted.

What to Do?
If you can admit that you have similar feelings of being useless, unloved and unimportant, the first step is identifying where this came from.

That person who told you that was LYING. They were miserable or STUCK themselves, so they took it out on you instead of resolving their own personal issues.

Once you are clear on the source of these dangerous thoughts swimming around in your head, the next step is SHOUTING THEM DOWN whenever they talk to you. They whisper in your ear ever so gently like a snake. When they start up, say it out loud if need be: YOU LIE! YOU ARE A LIAR!

You DO matter. You are loved and you are loveable. I don’t even know you but I love you, that’s why I’m writing this to you, so there you go!

You DO have a purpose here in this world, and that’s why you’re still here.

I Understand
I know what you’re going through — not very long ago I was curled up in a ball in my bed, in the dark, covers over my head, completely alone, with my cellphone turned off, for months, wondering why I even existed.

If I hadn’t come out of that, I wouldn’t be here right now, reaching you with words of love and upliftment. I wouldn’t have had the inspiration to write two new books and revive my business. My life is better simply because my thoughts are better. I have a purpose and so do you, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now.

When people unfortunately cut their lives short they do a great disservice to the entire universe because they don’t get a chance to live out that purpose. Don’t let those negative thought patterns take control over your life. You’re special and you’re meant to be here.

That alone is enough to justify loving every bit of who you are — a being perfectly crafted by God.

Start shouting down those thoughts of being unloved, unworthy, ugly or unimportant right now, don’t waste another moment.

I Love You

Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

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